Sometimes when I talk to people who enjoy history, I’m shocked that they believe that women were weak in the past. You and I know better.
This was not. True.
Emphatically. Not. True.
It is true that the laws of the past were often written to blunt a woman’s power over herself. But that is separate from how strong women found a way to find a way to advocate for themselves, despite the obstacles in their way.
Victorian women, especially, had the example of Queen Victoria to guide them as to exactly how much power a woman could wield effectively. That’s one reason I set my Once Upon a Wedding series right at the beginning of Victoria’s reign. My heroines are women of their time, but they also have a sense of their own power and don’t let anything thwart themwhen they know what is right.
For instance, did you know that Victoria proposed to Prince Albert? Legally, because she was queen, he could not propose to her. (Source)
She wrote in her diary about the incident. But let’s see if we can interpret between the lines to get a sense of what she must have been feeling:
At about ½ p.12, I sent for Albert.
Why must I be the one to propose? Every other young woman knows her suitor’s heart when he goes down upon one knee.
He came to the Closet where I was alone,
How relieved I am that he answered my summons, and did not send an excuse because he wished to evade my proposal. Does he know I intend to propose? Oh, he must. Would he hate me if I were to falter and send him away without knowing my heart?
…and after a few minutes I said to him, that I thought he must be aware why I wished them to come here,- and that it would make me too happy if he would consent to what I wished (to marry me);
He isn’t going to make me actually say the words, is he? Should I go on one knee? Nonsense, I am a Queen. I do not go on one knee to anyone.
…we embraced each other over and over again, and he was so kind, so affectionate… I really felt it was the happiest brightest moment in my life.
He wants to marry me. He really wants to marry me, not just the Queen of England. I’m so glad I was not afraid to propose.
What a sense of power that must have given the young Victoria (she was only 18 when she took the throne in 1837, and she had to propose to Albert only
2 years later).
What a thrilling, empowering story that must have been to young women of her time, who went on to use their voices to demand the vote, and demand change to many other laws that were harmful to women.
Would you like it (or have liked it) if you were the one to propose? Comment below to let us know!
I like it but honestly I am raised in a way the man proposes so I would rather he does it than I do
I didn’t even think about that. But WOW she had to do the asking. Its almost like a Lil Abner comic moment to me. When once every four years women could ask the man to marry them. Thank you for that information. I did know that women were stronger than we give them credit for back then.
I agree Debra. And keep in mind she was only 18, and had been very sheltered up until she became queen.
Oh, I proposed to my now spouse April 1 2001 in a storage locker with my mother’s engagement ring. We’ve known each other 17 years today, and married 15 of those
What a great story to pass down in your family Andrea! I don’t think I’d ever thought of a storage locker as romantic before 🙂
Well my mom proposed to my dad. They told me that in a leap year that is how it works. LOL When my husband found out he then insisted that I had to propose to him first before he would propose to me. We have now been married 13 years and my parents have been married for 45 years. And yes when we proposed to our husbands we had rings for them.
Too funny Melissa, that your husband wanted to continue the tradition. I never even thought about the ring part!
My now husband and I had been living together for 3 years when he started making comments of “if we got married we could…..” . After about a month of this I finally told him ” if you want me to marry you, you have to ask, and I promise I’ll say yes”. It took him another week to get up the nerve, but he did ask, and know 13 years later we’re as happy as we have ever been. Sometimes they just need a big nudge.
My Daddy always told everyone Mama begged him to marry her, but he chased her, and he proposed.. they were married over 60 yrs,until he passed away,..I didn’t propose to my husband of over 48 yrs, but I would have if I needed to.. why shouldn’t we???
I agree, Judy. There are no rules when it comes to letting someone else know you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
I don’t think it should be up to the man only to propose,If you want him,let him know
Things were very different in those times, and where you come from makes a difference as well, probably/ I am not used to official proposals, with someone on a knee offering a ring. My husband did do this, as a joke, after we had decided we were going to get married. Actually it was the notary who said, why do you guys not just get married after all this time. It would be so much easier with the wills! (Laws change, and then the will has to change with it.) We got married after 13 years of living together. 🙂
Btw We have been together since 1986 and are still very happy together. 🙂
Lia, congratulations on your long relationship! My husband and I are about to celebrate our 40th anniversary. He didn’t get down on one knee and propose either, but the marriage has stuck so far. Of course, I’m not a queen like Victoria, which probably makes it all easier.
My parents were married 52 years when my Dad passed. They were a typical (?) couple in the late 40’s. He was just home from the war, his family had moved to California for aircraft work. Her family had moved to California from New Mexico for job opportunities. They met and were not suppose to even like each other; he was 9 years older!! OMG! My Dad proposed to her but my Mom was a tremendously strong women, they truly complemented each other. My hubby and I were married 21 years when he passed. HE told me we were getting married on our second date and 5 weeks later we eloped. In many instances, I was my Mother’s daughter. My husband was 12 years older but so much younger in his outlook and I have always been older than my chronological age so, we too, were complementary. To make it work that is the key, IMO, complementary forces make the world right!
Complementary forces are definitely important for a good relationship, Vivian!
Not sure, and at age 72 amid social isolation, not likely to be in a position to consider it.
May you have a blessed day. Barbara
Oh no, Barbara. That sounds like it would make a fabulously romantic story! Their eyes met through a window pane. They fell in love from six feet away. Only a vaccine will set their hearts free to love again.